I used to stress a lot about the fact that I seemed like the only woman with children that didn’t have at least ONE area of my adult life figured out.
I am shit at housekeeping.
My house is mostly only clean when we are expecting company.
My car is a complete wreck 98% of the time.
I don’t fold my kids underwear. (Those things are literally just stuffed in drawers).
My “Meal Planning” is nonexistent.
I write things down on my calendar and still forget appointments.
Having to call people back brings out my highest level of procrastination.
Having my children help me with almost anything requires me to suppress a very huge level of anxiety.
And our financial situation and income has always mimicked the emotions of being on a terrifying rollercoaster.
I used to feel so ashamed of all my “lack”
Looking around and seeing everyone’s highlight reels, often plummeted me into an exhausting cycle of self loathing and frustration.
I felt stuck and unhappy with who I was.
The things I was good at didn’t seem to matter.
It took a long time for me to realize the only way out was for me to figure out how to shift and release the negative feelings within myself that came from conditioned beliefs and expectations that I had ‘owned.’ All of those beliefs stemmed from the fact that I was unconsciously refusing to give myself permission to be ‘flawed’.
I’m type A and have always prided myself on my ability to ‘power through’ and get shit done. It never mattered what I felt like afterwards. I pushed myself to the brink, and it never seemed to be enough. That my friends, is a recipe for self loathing.
The clouds parted for short amounts of time for me to really notice how I was sabotaging myself, and my happiness.
I began to take notice of the things that triggered my feelings of self doubt, and began to file away the things that helped me shift my mindset around my conditioned thoughts about myself and my worth.
I want to share the initial tools that really made a difference for me.They are still my go to whenever I notice myself spiraling.
-Social Media Breaks
Whenever I notice myself starting to compare and default into self loathing or jealousy I know it is time to log off for a bit and stop snooping into other peoples lives. It is only inspiring if you are in a place to be inspired within yourself.
-Slowing Down for a bit and give yourself permission to be less than
This means saying no. This means delegating responsibilities. This means NOT ‘being productive.’ I let my husband do the dishes guilt free (or let them pile up until I have the mental energy) I lay on the floor to be present with my boys and study the expressions on their faces instead of dong something I ‘need to get done.’ I intently witness the relationship they are forming, instead deep cleaning the bathroom. Hide your phone, get outside and look at the sky.
-Journaling and using the voice recorder on my iPhone
Grabbing my journal at any point throughout my day (or my phone for the voice recorder if I was driving or didn’t have access to my journal) and documenting the insecure or uncomforable feeling that was lurking, and then writing (talking) through possible reasons why I was feeling that way, and what may have spurred it. I would then contemplate whether or not this was something I was interested in working on within myself. If it was I would mentally note to come back to that area of my life, and if it wasn’t I gave MYSELF permission to let it go. We’re not supposed to be kickass at everything.
( So for example ) If I had gotten my boys in the car and drove all the way to the grocery store and upon arriving at the entrance, realized I had forgotten my list. I would pull out my phone and start documenting that I feel angry at myself for forgetting my list, that I realize that it happens pretty frequently, that I feel frustrated with myself because when I try to be organized it often seems to backfire on me. Then I remind myself of the many times I do remember things, (those snacks for the kids so they don’t freak out during errands) and that those times I think ahead and remember actually do outweigh the times that I forget. When my kids ask my why I mumbled something (Gahdahmnittt) under my breath, or sense that something is off, I reply with a silly tone, ” Oh deer, I forgot my list of things we needed. Next time I will have to take a picture on my phone right after I am done making a list just in case this happens again!”
I’ve created a printable to help you get started with reflecting on your stressors.
You can download it for free here: Free Reflection Worksheet
So these words are for the Mama’s that find themselves obsessing over their ‘lack’
Embrace the flawed human that you are.
Carry your beautiful faults so your kids can see. Show them your errors and imperfections. There is no need to hide them.
Have them help keep you accountable with bad habits you know that you can alter. And then….
LET ALL THE OTHER SHIT GO.
Our kids can sense our uneasiness with ourselves when we hold onto our flaws, and begin to identify with them. When we hide or ignore our imperfections out of shame or self doubt, we steal from them the beautiful lesson of what it means to be authentically and unapologetically WHO WE ARE.
Some people are good at keeping a clean house. Others aren’t.
If you are called towards working on forming habits to change your ways, find ways to do it.
If not- let it go, own your truth and find ways to be satisfied with what you CAN manage in your home.
Some people are super organized, and timely. Others aren’t.
If you are called towards working on changing that within yourself- find ways to do it.
If not- let it go and own your truth.
If you are overweight, want to get fit, and can figure out a schedule and plan that works for you, do it.
If not- let it go, and FIND your truth.
Another beautiful divine law that became clear within the depths of my struggle, is that timing is crucial.
As humans, we are constantly going through so many phases of growth, trials, and self realizations.
Habits that may seem impossible to implement at one chapter in your life, may flow with ease at another point in time.
The key here is giving yourself grace. And loads of it.
They difficult part is remembering that we are already the Mama’s they need.
They chose us to help guide them on their path through life, and they give us FULL permission to carry our self appointed ‘lack’ along on the journey.
They don’t need us to exhaust ourselves into the ‘most perfect’ version of ourselves.
We must show up as we are.
By being ourselves, unapologetically ourselves, without the stress and guilt and overwhelm, the lessons they need to learn will be organically absorbed, and we will feel free. Free and confident to be the hot mess that we all are, while we surrender into the beautiful tides of motherhood.
Big exhale, Mamas. We’re doing just fine.
Clipart Image for Pinterest.